Things My Boss Said To Me

It must be Friday - because it's time for another chapter of Things My Boss Said To Me.

This is another often told tale of my days at Bear Stearns. I was 7 months pregnant and really struggling one day. I was having braxton-hicks contractions. It was painful and uncomfortable. My feet hurt. I just wanted to lay down. If I could lay down for a half hour, I knew I could work the rest of the day. I told my wonderful boss Bill Clemente and he said absolutely, go to the nurse. (this isn't the bad boss part yet)

So, I head down to the nurse where there is a bed. I walk in and then at the same moment, another man comes in. The nurse looks at us both and asks what we need. I say I need to lay down, pain, blah blah pregnant blah blah. I didn't have to say too much - I looked pretty pitiful. She turns to the "gentleman" and asks him what he needs. It was Ralph Cioffi. Yes - that Ralph Cioffi - of I burned down the financial markets when when my hedge fund was the first to get marked down 50%. The Ralph that went to trial (was not found guilty). He said I called because I have a migraine and need to lay down in the dark.

Awkward silence.

The nurse says haltingly - well the policy is you have to call first and he called first. I think she was expecting him to give me the ONE bed. But noooooo. He made a beeline for the bed. Left me in the dust. The nurse and I just kinda looked at each other. At that moment in my highly emotional pregnant state - I starting crying. It was just too degrading. I had actually worked for Ralph at one point. And he pulled SMD ranking on me. That's senior managing director. Rank was a big deal at Bear.

So, the nurse says you can sit here in my office. I cry "I have my own office I can sit in." So I head back up to my own office and proceed to sit and cry. It was just too much. I was exhausted and stressed and just desperately needed to lie down My boss bill comes and in wonders what happened. I tell him and he sends me home. Smart move because I was completely worthless.

The day I saw Ralph Cioffi do the "perp" walk for the trial over the hedge funds - was a wonderful day. It took years, but karma's a bitch.

Shoes Shoes Shoes

In New York, the sidewalks and stairs are punishing on a woman's feet. I am always amazed when I see a woman in the subway in heels. I can't imagine walking around the city that way. Not only do your shoes get torn up and quickly ground down by the cement - it just becomes down right painful.

So most wall street gals walk to work in comfortable shoes. Sneakers, flats, Uggs and in the summer - flip flops. Then they get to work and switch to the nice shoes. Obviously you aren't going to transport shoes back and forth, so the space beneath your desk becomes your shoe closet. Of course you don't have just black pumps under the desk - you've got everything. When I left Bear Stearns I carted out one entire box of just shoes. 9 pairs.

I asked my former colleagues how many and one girl copped to 18 pairs. I know another who wore a size 5 and he mother worked at Bloomingdale's in the buyers office. The shoe samples came in a size 5, so this gal had an entire plastic bin stored under her desk with what had to be 30 pairs of shoes.

As a reporter, I don't have a strict professional dress code, nor do I feel the competitive fashion pressures of professional women. But I have accumulated 5 pairs of shoes in my drawer and under my desk. And I am a frequent public shoe changer. If I need to be somewhere in nice shoes, I'll carry them with me and outside the building with no embaressment whatsoever - change my flat shoes for heels.

The guys think we're nuts for storing shoes under the desk and the cleaning ladies never steal them. So there you have it. The secrets of the wall street shoe storage.

Bag Ladies

A few weeks ago The New York Times had an article reviewing fancy lunch bags. I thought hmmmm wouldn't that be fun to get some designer lunch bag samples to write about? But then realized I would just end up leaving one of those nice bags on the train, never to be seen again. So, instead I decided to chronicle the actual bags that us Wall Street gals actual use and they aren't those fancy designer ones.

I personally don't like the brown bag. It has to be held or tossed in a tote. In the tote, the insides get crushed and hardly any tupperware containers fit in it. Costs less than a penny.

The grocery store plastic bag will fit just about any tupperware container and then some. It has the crush factor too, but it also contains leaks. I found this out when my salad dressing container leaked. This also gets tossed into a tote, but it does have enough handle to allow carrying. Free.

I bought this at the grocery store for $1.99. Stylish stripes, huh? It's got a foil type inside, but no insulation. I like it because it fits plasticware. I don't like that the straps don't fit over my arm, allowing for free hands. I hold onto it, but don't use it so much anymore.

The small shopping bag is a the "go to" lunch bag for wall street gals. Free! This Loft bag will last for many commuting trips. It has a really pretty grosgrain ribbon handle and sturdy paper sides. I'm sure the company designs them with lunch in mind. They probably love us gals giving them all that free advertising. I never throw out a bag this size.

Ahh, the most expensive bag I own. I confess my mom bought it for me. It cost $20 at Bloomingdales. I hope I don't leave it on the train. I've left many a lunch bag on the train. It's not insulated, but look at the length of those handles! You can slide this bag up your arm and have free hands to dig out subway cards, wallet, you name it. Great feature. My current favorite. 
My previous  favorite was from Wal-Mart. It cost $5. It had those same long handles, was insulated and black. It looked like a handbag. Yes, I left it on the train. Wal-Mart doesn't sell them anymore and that made me sad, but then my mom bought me the bag at Bloomingdales and I got over it.

R.I.P. New Years Resolutions

Mid March is the time of year that people begin dropping those New Year resolutions. Get a new job. Lose weight. Be more organized. You name it, most people start to lose motivation at about this time. When I used to be a gym rat, I couldn't wait til "those people" finally went back to their lives and quit hogging the machines at the gym. But why is it that people start the year with such hope and conviction that this year will be the year they will (fill in the blanks) and then fail three months later.

I spoke with Beverly Flaxton, author of Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior http://www.understandingotherpeople.com/ about why people fall off the resolution wagon. She told me that that she's identified 5 steps people need to take beyond the resolution in order to achieve their . goals. Here they are:

1. Be really specific on the resolution. Not just "I want to lose 10 pounds." But more specific. I don't like the way I look. I don't like how my clothes fit. What will losing 10 pounds cause? New clothes? Less stress in the morning when getting dressed for work? Write it down.
2. Highlight the obstacles. What's standing in the way. Is it more expensive to get the lower calorie food? Is it hard to eat lo cal food on a hectic schedule? Is it hard to get to the gym with work and kids? Identify what can hold you back. You can't be sucessful unless you know the hurdles you will face. Identifying the obstacle before they happen helps you overcome them.
3. Human factor. How much do I care about getting a new job? Do I fear leaving my comfortable job where I know everyone and have friends. I may not like my boss, but I like the hours, could a new job mess that up? Recognize these issues and deal with them.
4. Alternatives. Beverly mentioned how someone she worked with needed to exercise, but couldn't afford a gym. She figured out a solution by using the Wii program already in her house. Beverley said most people just immediately feel they need to go to a gym to get into shape, but they overlook other alternatives. Is it the job or the boss? Maybe its just your boss making you crazy, maybe you look at transferring within the company?
5. Plan. Really put some effort into the resolution. Not just - yeah  I want a new job this year. Do your homework and figure out why exactly you want this goal.

Beverly said she sees lots of motivation and commitment, but if people put this extra effort into those resolutions, then they will be more successful. Mid March won't become the time of year that people drop all those grand plans if they dig a little deeper before they start.

Sadly for the gym rats, those members may stick around longer.

Things My Boss Said To Me

"Choose between work or school."

My answer to this ridiculous question was - You want me to choose between the job that you - yourself said had no future in it or getting my Masters Degree from NYU where the professors believe in me? Yes, I have balls of steel when it comes to talking to bosses.

To put into context - I went back to school while I was working and attended as many night courses as I could. Unfortunately, some of the journalism classes were only offered during the daytime and the time was drawing near when I would have to take them. So I offered to my bosses that I would use vacation days on those class days. Or go to class and come back and work later to make up the time missed. Both solutions were denied. Now mind you - I WORKED THERE FOR 15 YEARS! Neither my boss or his boss had ever worked anywhere for 15 years. In fact one had never married and the other was divorced once - so I kinda questioned their commitment issues.

Anyway - I was told to choose. I chose school. This was a watershed moment, because at that point Bear Stearns said we're going to fire you then. But they didn't really want to fire me so they gave me 4 weeks to change my mind. If I still didn't give up my desire to go to school - then I would be terminated. I still didn't change my mind.

Now this was 4 weeks from the end of the fiscal year - so my decision would cost me thousands of dollars in bonus money, plus my job. At the time, I cried and thought I would throw up. It was devastating. I was walking away from a job and lots of money that could help me actually pay for school for an unproven career change. Very scary stuff. But I knew what the choice was - even though it was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made in my life.

I chose correctly. I left 4  months before the Bear Stearns hedge funds began imploding and sold my Bear Stearns stock for $151 a share - because I was bitter and angry at had badly this boss treated me. I have a great career now and am much happier.

As a side note - I ran into this boss on the subway 2 years later. I know - a city of 8 million people and I end up on the same subway car. During our polite chatter I ended up making a snide remark about yeah well after you fired me. He said you quit we didn't fire you. I said I was on unemployment for 6 months you fired me. He didn't even remember what had transpired. Unbelievable.